A: This question comes up often, especially when someone you love is facing a serious health challenge. You want to celebrate milestones, enjoy the present, and look forward to the future.
But underneath it all, there's this constant fear: What if they're not here for the moments that matter most?
Maybe you're approaching a milestone birthday or life transition, and instead of pure excitement, you feel a complicated mix of joy and grief. You worry about whether your loved one will be there for your wedding, your children, your future accomplishments. You catch yourself imagining all the ways loss might unfold.
And then—here's the twist—you get angry at yourself for worrying.
You think, "I should just be grateful for now. Why am I wasting this precious time being anxious?" But that self-criticism doesn't help. It just adds guilt on top of grief.
Here's what I want you to know:
Your grief about the future isn't a sign of weakness or ingratitude. It's evidence of deep love. The tension you're holding—enjoying the present while fearing the future—is real and valid. You don't have to choose one or the other.
Transform anger into compassion. When you catch yourself getting frustrated about your worries, pause. Recognize that these fears come from a place of love and legitimate grief. You're not being dramatic—you're being human.
Practical steps for holding both joy and grief:
Create a worry window. Set aside intentional time each day to grieve, worry, and process hard feelings. Then put it away and choose to live in the present moment the rest of the day.
Balance grief with gratitude. Give space for both the hard feelings AND excitement for what's to come. You don't have to choose between them.
Dream about your future anyway. Don't let fear of loss stop you from planning, hoping, and moving toward the life you want. Ask yourself: "What do I want this next season to be about? When I'm old, what do I want to look back and say about my life?"
Connect intentionally now. Find small moments to be present with your loved one—quality time, meaningful conversations, shared activities. These moments matter.
Celebrate your milestones. Plan celebrations that genuinely feel right for you. Receive love from your people. Don't let fear of future loss rob you of present joy.
Remember this Truth in God's Word:
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" ~ Isaiah 41:10 (NIV).
You're not choosing between enjoying life and preparing for loss. You're holding both with courage and compassion. That's not weakness—that's wisdom.